🌈 I Thought I Was Bi. Then I Learned About Demisexuality.
I used to think I was bisexual — not because it fully resonated, but because it was one of only four labels I had ever heard: straight, gay, lesbian, or bi.
I wasn’t fully straight. I wasn’t a lesbian.
So “bi” felt like the closest fit… by default.
But now — thankfully, beautifully — we have language.
We have nuance. We have names that feel more like home.
And for me, that’s demisexual.
It’s the part of the asexual spectrum that says:
I don’t experience sexual attraction unless there’s a deep emotional connection.
Which finally explains so much.
🕊️ My Demisexual Journey
For years, I wondered why I wasn’t “into” people the way others seemed to be. I’d date someone because they were into me. Or because I felt safe with them. But I never understood the pull others described — that immediate sexual spark.
I remember dating someone I had zero physical attraction to, but I loved spending time with them. It wasn’t about looks. It wasn’t about sex. It was about enjoyment.
That relationship helped me start asking deeper questions.
And when I looked back, I realized: I’ve always been this way. I could and have dated any adult, especially if I had an emotional or Spiritual pull towards them. I really didn't care what gender or sex they were. It didn't matter to me
But I didn’t have the language for it.
And without language, it’s easy to feel weird or off.
🌈 Asexuality is a Spectrum
We often think “asexual” just means someone who doesn’t like sex.
But it’s so much more textured than that.
Some quick facts:
Asexuality is a sexual orientation where a person experiences little to no sexual attraction.
It’s a spectrum, which includes people who feel attraction only in certain conditions — like demisexuality (after emotional or Spiritual closeness) or gray-asexuality (rare or fluctuating sexual attraction).
A 2021 Trevor Project study found 10% of LGBTQ+ youth identified as on the asexual spectrum.
A 2023 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior estimated 1%–4% of the population may fall somewhere on the ace spectrum — but underreporting is likely due to lack of awareness and stigma.
The more we talk about it, the more people realize:
Maybe there’s nothing “wrong” with them.
Maybe they’re just wired differently — and beautifully.
💗 Slower Intimacy is Still Intimacy
In a world obsessed with chemistry, performance, and “the spark,” demisexuality reminds us that:
Safety is sexy.
Connection is the foreplay.
Time is allowed.
Wanting more before you open up doesn’t make you broken — it makes you honest.
For me, I’ve learned I need a lot to feel fully connected to someone — and especially, I need a spiritual connection. If our souls don’t vibe, I can’t vibe either. 😅
And the wild, wonderful part of healing?
The more I shed old versions of me, the more clearly I can feel who I am now.
And yes, that might change.
But today — demisexual fits. And I love that it does.
💌 An Invitation for You
I share this not because I think you’re also demisexual (though maybe you are!), but because the more we talk about identities across the spectrum, the more space we create for everyone’s truth.
Journal Questions.
✨ What have you discovered about your own intimacy or attraction journey — especially things you didn’t know when you were younger?
✨ Where might you be ready to soften your own timeline — to honor slower, deeper truths?
✨ What becomes possible when you don’t rush intimacy, but let it arrive on its own time?
🌱 You’re Not Behind — You’re Becoming
Whether you’re just now discovering language that fits you, or you’ve never needed a label at all, you are valid.
This LoveLetter is a celebration of softness, slowness, safety, and the sacredness of being exactly who you are.
And if that changes? You’re still worthy. Always.
With tenderness and truth,
XO Dorothy (She/Her)
Certified Holistic Sex Educator
